Sitting near the front of the church with my parents and near the other kids my age, the visiting evangelist at our little conservative church declared boldly and loudly that unless we came forward to accept Jesus into our hearts we were going straight to hell, forever. Over and over I also heard that Jesus would be coming back soon to take the believers up into heaven and the rest would be left behind, forever. This was all because of original sin and we were taught that Jesus had to die in our place to avoid the eternal punishment of God. Our job was to confess, believe, and be saved, or else.
As an adult I can see this was not the intent, but for a child that was terrifying and abusive. When very young, I would lie awake at night, afraid to go to sleep, listening for a sound from my parents to be assured that I had not been left behind. Had I prayed enough, believed enough, or was I good enough?
Childhood Vulnerability
This experience was and still is not unique. I have had many clients tell me similar stories from their childhood and about how this fear has stayed with them at some level even as adults. We all must go through the developmental stages described in spiral dynamics and integral theory, and children, by nature, are egocentric and then ethnocentric as they move from Red into Blue. The effect of these messages of shame is that children believe them and internalize that deep fear of not being worthy of anything but damnation.
As we moved into the Orange stage, with the ability to question and to think rationally, many of us were confused, angry, or depressed about this condition of sin and shame. We also heard messages about God’s love and mercy and grace. But how do you reconcile grace and unconditional love with the need to punish us, or Jesus in our place, before we can be declared worthy?
I asked my mother about this when I reached that stage of questioning. Her explanation was that because God is perfect, He demands perfection to get into heaven. Only Jesus was perfect as a human being, and his death was required to pay for our sinful nature, which then makes us perfect too if we accept Jesus into our hearts. I nodded my head, but it still didn’t really make sense to me, and it still felt bad. How could this be the same as unconditional love?
Historical Context
This doctrine of original sin has not always been a part of Christianity and many theologians and philosophers over the centuries have called this out. According to John Phillip Newell, spiritual teacher and author of Sacred Earth, Sacred Soul, as early as the fourth century Christianity was wrapped up with power and politics. By that time, Mediterranean Christianity had become the imperial religion in Rome. Saint Augustine became a primary influencer of the theology of the church, and he prepared the ground for imperial Christianity’s doctrine of original sin, the belief that at birth we are essentially bereft of God rather than born of God.
At about the same time, there was a monk from Wales named Pelagius who taught and wrote about a very different understanding of human nature. According to Pelagius, grace was given not to save us from our nature but to reconnect us to our nature, which was sacred and made of God. This was called original grace. Thus, Jesus came to reveal to us who we really are; created in God’s image and loved unconditionally. What a difference this makes! Eventually Pelagius was excommunicated from the church for his writing and teaching on this perspective of faith. The Eastern Orthodox Christian church, like Pelagius, never accepted the doctrine of original sin. This part of Christianity celebrates human nature as sacred and blessed at birth, rather than essentially sinful.
Voice of Shame
It is very hard to really understand unconditional love, because it is not in our realm of experience. Some parents model it well but none perfectly. Many of our religious experiences teach us more about shame than original grace. The belief in original sin appeals to the voice of shame within us and around us. How many times have you said things to yourself like “you are so stupid, or clumsy, or fat, or lazy, or such an idiot, or in essence, worthless”? This feels like darkness within and around us. It is the voice that capitalizes on these feelings of worthlessness and uses it to manipulate and control us.
If you, like me, grew up in the tradition of original sin and shame, perhaps it helps to realize that not all of Christianity adopted this teaching, and the nature of unconditional love taught and lived by Jesus awakens us to the worth and dignity that comes from God, that we did nothing to earn. This love is there whether we feel we deserve it or not. This changes everything and it challenges us to live as Jesus showed us how to live.
The Revolution
Contemporary author and American Franciscan priest, Richard Rohr, states that the gospel of Jesus is really a revolutionary way of life. His way of being in the world is to show love, mercy, and compassion to all people, especially those we consider the least among us. When we serve and lift up the least of these, we serve and lift up Jesus himself, as we read in Matthew chapter 25.
This way of life demands everything of us. This was the message and way of life that Jesus was willing to die for. And it demands that we evolve as humans and as societies, not to avoid hell but to fulfill our potential as humans and as Christians. We cannot fully love in this way from our egocentric, ethnocentric, rational, or even our pluralistic levels of being. Jesus calls us to keep growing and climbing higher so we can begin to see what Jesus saw, that all people at all levels are made in God’s image and are beloved, and worthy of love and compassion.
This article is obviously not meant to be a comprehensive academic analysis of Christian doctrine, but to shed light on assumptions we may have taken for granted that have been harmful to our mental health. There are plenty more experts, too many to name here, who provide historical context and perspectives of grace that speak more to love than to shame.
Therapy Tip
At our core, can we really imagine that God or anyone who really loves us would need to be paid to forgive us? Reflecting on original grace and unconditional love hopefully will help us forgive ourselves and to forgive those who hurt us, whether it was intentional or not. Forgiving allows us to open our hearts and minds and release the dark burdens of shame.