We are imperfect people living in imperfect times. This has always been true, but we have challenges today that are different than those faced in times past. Our world is on fire, literally and figuratively, and it is easy to withdraw, to blame one another, and be afraid and discouraged. We want answers now, and it is easy to fall victim to those who promise quick and simple and absolute solutions. Unfortunately, those solutions rarely work, and they feed on and amplify our sense of shame.
In a religious context, feelings of shame and fear tend to drive people either towards fundamentalism, which can manifest in both conservative and progressive circles, or complete rejection of faith and religion. It feels like we need to choose between faith and reason and then defend one way of understanding the world at the expense of the other. But faith and reason are not natural enemies. Author Anne Lamott has written that “the opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty.” It is our need for certainty that pushes us to pit faith and reason against one another. Faith, by its nature, asks us to let go of our need for certainty, to embrace and believe in goodness, and choose to live and love wholeheartedly, which means taking the risk of being vulnerable and getting hurt.
Being imperfect is not a reason to feel ashamed. It is our human nature and there are wonderful things about being on this journey of life. There can even be beauty in our imperfection, as Brene Brown describes in her book The Gifts of Imperfection. She notes that our imperfections present us with opportunities to cultivate courage, compassion and deeper connections. She calls this wholehearted living, which is about engaging our lives from a place of worthiness, rather than shame.
Shame grows in secrecy, silence, and judgement of ourselves and others. Wholeheartedness grows from choosing authenticity, transparency, and vulnerability. This is choosing faith, embracing mystery, the willingness to believe in what we cannot see, and letting go of our fear of uncertainty.
Wholehearted faith is not a destination, it is a path we walk towards love, integrity, tenderness, and vulnerability. It involves the willingness to share our stories, engage with the pain of others, and nurture compassion and connection. This takes courage and resilience, especially in troubled times such as we see today. It also requires work.
Sometimes it is even hard to talk about wholeness when we feel so divided and conflicted. As we are reminded by author and spiritual teacher Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee, “real social and environmental work, like real spiritual work, involves facing the darkness with our feet on the ground, accepting the truth that the journey will be hard and long, as well as full of unexpected miracles and magic.” This means, he notes, that we need to wake up and be honest about the crisis around and within us, work on our individual and collective health and resilience, and hold the visions of hope near to our hearts.
We need resilience and we need faith more than ever. Not a faith of certainty, but a faith of possibilities. Faith that flows with gratitude and joy, as well as hope and compassion. Gratitude and joy do not reduce hard times but help sustain us through them. Choosing to live in faith, and to love with our whole hearts may not be easy but it can make our messy, painful, uncertain and yet wonderful lives worthwhile. Wholehearted faith is a big and important topic, and I intend to write more about this in the next few articles.
Therapy Tip
To practice wholehearted faith means we are working through our personal and collective shame-based perspectives and behaviors and growing towards living in wholeness. Grace declares that we are made whole by God, even in our imperfections. We need to be graceful with ourselves too; to be honest about our failures and weaknesses, be willing to repent and receive forgiveness, and to forgive others and ourselves.